Which is better? An Amiga, or a Sinclair ZX81?

This is a document previously stored on another server. Since Jeff G.'s server (never read his full name) doesn't seem to have his documents I publish it here. If someone knows a new web adress of this document please email me the URL.
Modifications: HTML-ized. In response to your question, we've performed a detailed series of experiments, and here are our results:

• (1) The Doorstop Test
  The ZX81 was a clear winner early on, with it's thin sloping corner excellent for jamming under doors and stopping them open. The Amiga with it's much wider profile, but periously thin plastic, was simply pushed aside by any door with mass greater than the door on a birdcage.
• (2) The Hamburger Test
  Using the two computers as a place to temporarily store a hamburger while our test programmer used a real machine, like a Silicon Graphics Indy, again resulted in a clear win for the ZX81, with its wipe-clean keyboard. The Amiga soon had huge amounts of sauce and fat stuck between its keys, but a nice herb garden sprouted after a corrobative experiment with an Indian takeaway.
• (3) The Old Joke Test
  Placing both computers inside glass cases with signs saying "Break glass in case of emergency" produced a laugh rate of 0.2LU for the ZX81 and 0.01LU for the Amiga. A control experiment using an abacus received 0.7 on the laugh scale. Again, a ZX win, though the Amiga was unfortunate in that we did not plan an experiment measuring involuntary vomiting.
• (4) The Programming Test
  Having our test programmer write programs for the two machines gave a laugh rate of 0.95LU for the ZX81 (1K RAM) and 0.99LU for the Amiga (where 1.0 would indicate convulsions and death). The sole Amiga win in our experiments. After continuing the experiment, and switching to the psychotic screaming scale of measurement, the Amiga still held a commanding lead.
• (5) The Masonic Handshake Test
  Offering the computers in handshakes to see if they struck some secret signal gave null results in all countries in the world except for one, The United Kingdom. In the UK, while the Amiga was still ignored, the ZX81 resulted in much sucking of teeth, offers of three places on QUANGOs, and a life membership of Mensa UK. A ZX win almost by default.
• (6) The Boomerang Test
  Throwing the computers into the air with a spinning motion again showed clear ZX81 superiority, as it flew in a wide, smooth, circle, right back to our test programmer. The Amiga flew about ten feet, and landed in some kangaroo dung. This did result in improved growth for the aforementioned herb garden however.